


Finding Home

by kinkylittlered



Category: supernautral
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-27
Updated: 2010-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:39:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkylittlered/pseuds/kinkylittlered





	1. Chapter 1

_**Finding Home**_  
Title: Finding Home  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: None  
Prompt: Spring Break  
Words: 652

 

Breathing in a deep lungful of air, Dean attempted to catch his breath. Spring break was always filled with physical activities for the Winchester boys; Spring break was also always filled with competition and endurance testing. Deciding to race his fourteen-year-old brother across the lake had seemed like a good idea, until Sam began to push ahead. In response to Sam’s new muscles, stronger, faster, older Dean had pushed himself to his limits. Each in take of air burned his throat, scorching its way down to his lungs. Still, Dean savored the victory, after all Sammy was still in the water. Several minutes passed before Dean began to vaguely wonder where his little brother was, then another couple where Dean assumed the boy had decided to float the rest of the way. At ten minutes Dean felt every second as though it was an hour.

Finally he pulled himself from the ground, squinting in the bright light of the gleaming sun. A shape was lying in the water, just close enough for Dean to recognize the bright red of Sam’s swimming shorts. All at once worry and fear filled Dean, his legs moving without command. Swimming as fast as his body would allow, Dean once again pushed his limits. As he came with in arms reach of the body, Dean threw out an arm and touched cold flesh.

“God no Sammy, come on wake up,” Dean said as he turned the body over, Sam’s eyes closed and his breathing shallow.

If Dean had pushed his limits swimming to Sam, he broke them pulling Sam to shore. Dean began CPR the way his father had shown him, pumping Sam’s chest and then filling the boys lungs with air. After several tries Dean began to cry, plump tears cascading down tan flesh. Dean had never felt his heart truly break, but as he stared at Sam’s lifeless form he felt it not only crack but shatter. A part of Dean was dying right along with his brother, giving up all hope he let his head fall onto his brother’s chest. Dean had only wanted to spend his spring break with his brother, he wanted to soak in the sun and enjoy the freedom from school. Instead he felt like he dying from the pain in his chest, tears still falling freely.

“I so got you!” Sam screamed before launching into a fit of giggles. “You cried! I’m never letting you live this down Dean! You actually cried!”

Dean stared at Sam a moment before pulling his head from the boy’s chest, fury and relief filling his eyes. Everything happened to fast and all around too slow, Dean leaned in and pressed his lips to Sam’s. Originally he had intended it to be one of those brotherly kisses aimed for a cheek but Sam had turned suddenly and caused Dean’s lips to crash against his. Dean breathed in sharply through his nose, his eyes wide open and staring into the hazel waves of his little brother’s eyes. Slowly Sam’s eyes closed, lips pressing back into Dean’s. It lasted only a moment but things had shifted from playful to serious. It was the kind of moment that would define their spring break.

Dean pulled back first, his eyes wide and alert. Guilt lined his features as a blush crept across his freckled cheeks. “Sam I am so sorry, I meant to kiss your cheek but you moved. You really scared me, don’t you ever do that again or I’ll kill you.”

“Dean, you cried like a baby, I doubt you could kill me. Besides you just kissed me, that really doesn’t seem like something you do with someone you want to kill.”

“I didn’t mean to kiss you, Sammy”

“But you did,” Sam said withjoking wiggle of his eye brows, laughing for a moment before leaning up to Dean’s ear and whispering “My first kiss.”  
[Chapter 2](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/8147.html)

  



	2.  Finding Home

_**Finding Home Chapter 2**_  
Title: Finding Home  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings:None  
Prompt: Exchange Student  
Words: 1128

 

  
  
  


  


  
  
  


  


Dean began acting strangely after the accidental kiss, his body always a fraction too close. He had become unbearably over protective, and Sam couldn’t help but pull away. Space was nice and so Sam began to seek reasons to avoid heading home directly after school. The disadvantage to moving around almost constantly was the lack of friends. Amazingly the day Sam had began his new school another student had joined as well. A very cute German girl named Hanna was visiting America for two months. The foreign exchange student was in several of Sam’s classes and he made it a point to sit next to her.

Sam couldn’t help but like her, Hanna was petite and very shy. She always smelled lightly of cherries and a blush always seemed to linger on her fair skin. Sam had hit a recent growing spurt; at 5’6 he was the tallest boy in the freshman class. Hanna on the other hand was less than 5’0, the smallest girl in school. She was delicate and simple, everything that Dean was not. Where Dean’s firm muscles had pressed against Sam during their kiss, Sam imagined his own muscles would press against her. With Hanna he would be the bigger one, the stronger one. There would be no physical competition, only love.

Sam had it bad for the girl, constantly staring and stuttering when he managed to speak at all. After a frustrating week of attempting to talk to the cute girl, Sam broke down and decided to ask Dean for help. Sam had witnessed Dean talk loads of girls out of their clothes; he was the perfect person to ask. Only…Sam was afraid not only of being teased but of hurting Dean. After all they had kissed, it had to mean that Dean thought something was going on, right? Still, Sam was desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Dean?” Sam awkwardly shuffled his feet as he sat down on Dean’s bed, his cheeks already burning red.

“Ya, Sammy?” Dean’s voice was deep, his eyes clouded and hiding all emotion.

“I uh well there is this girl in school, she is an exchange student and I really like her but…” Sam couldn’t help but hesitate as a flash of pain crossed Dean’s features.

“But? What is wrong?” Dean forced himself to smile “You’re a Winchester, your naturally gifted with the ladies.”

“I choke up when I am around her, I’m just not sure what to say or do.”

“Well I typically ask cute girls to help me study.” Dean said with a slight smirk and a shrug.

“But…Dean you never study?” Sam knew he looked a little more than shocked, but his brother really wasn’t the type to study.

“I do more um studying of their anatomy” Dean gave Sam a pointed look until he suddenly gushed “oh”.

“So I asked her to help me with my trig homework? Dean, I really don’t need help.” Sam still looked slightly confused “She knows I’m good with math, I help her frequently”

“Dude you just answered your own question, you need to tutor her. Just ask her if she wants to do some studying together if she needs help again.” Dean felt a bit like he was going to drown in the strong jealousy that began to swarm just under the surface of his skin. His entire body was engulfed in the urge to keep Sammy his and his alone, instead he forced a smile and headed out to get dinner.  
XOXO  


Sam pulled in a breath as he entered the classroom, trying to pull the needed confidence in through thin air. Hanna was sitting in her usual spot, and like most days she was alone. It occurred to Sam that he might be her only actual friend in America. Somehow it gave Sam a bit more confidence, the extra push that he needed. Walking over to his desk, Sam set his back pack down, turning to face Hanna. Reaching out he lightly tapped her shoulder, a blush already burning across his face.

“Hanna?” Sam tried to smile but suddenly thought he must look like an idiot, he settled on simply hiding his face by staring at his shoes.

“Ves?” Hanna’s accent was rather thick and it was clear she did not actually speak very much English.

“I was wondering if you might want to do like um private lessons together? I could help you with uh the math. There is that um test soon” Sam forced himself to stop talking before the stutter became too noticeable.

Hanna nodded and wrote her phone number on sheet of paper. Sam’s hand shook slightly as he took the paper, his eyes still wide with fear. Forcing himself to sit down a thought ran across his head, he never had to work this hard, with Dean everything came naturally.

XOXO

Hanna had asked Sam to come over the next day, and he had panicked until Dean finally sat him down and gave him pointers. As Sam walked to Hanna’s temporary family’s house all of the panic returned full force. After all he was giving private lessons to the girl of his dreams, he couldn’t afford to mess this up. Hanna answered the door and invited him inside. Her bedroom was plain and clearly served as a guest bedroom for the family.

Sam spent an hour attempting to teach Hanna how to balance equations and another half an hour trying to show her exactly show to do basic algebra. It turned out that Hanna really didn’t speak any English and could only do the math she had learned in Germany. Sam was quickly becoming frustrated and finally said he wasn’t sure he could do the math right either. Any excuse was better than teaching and reteaching her.

“Hanna I…” Sam closed his eyes briefly, building up his courage before leaning in to press his lips against hers. After all, they could work on her English later.

Hanna seemed to freeze before finally leaning into the kiss, her eyes slipping closed. As Sam tried to lose himself in the sensation the image of Dean kissing him flashed through his mind. Somehow with Dean things had been different, more comfortable. With Hanna it felt forced, it felt like he was pretending to be someone else. Sudden guilt filled him and Sam pulled away, his eyes wide. Sam knew he would continue to date the girl, his own confusion wasn’t her fault and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. After all in a month or sooner even he would be moving away and a few weeks after that Hanna would return home. Kissing girls just wasn’t the same as kissing Dean, although he would never admit that to anyone, especially Dean.  
[Chapter 3](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/8604.html)

 

  


  
  



	3.  Finding Home

_**Finding Home Chapter 3**_  
Title: Finding Home  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: None  
Prompt: Rivals  
Words: 598

 

Dean knew the moment that Sam came home, wide grin across his face, that he had a new rival. Dean took competition very seriously and he was not going to let some slutty exchange student steal his brother away. Was Dean being over dramatic? Maybe, but he was a man smitten by his brother. Generally it was an over dramatic situation, with high-tension levels.

“So what happened dude?” Dean asked casually, pretending like he was only vaguely interested. On the inside his heart was pounding and his mind was reeling with the possibilities.

“We kissed and we are going on a date on Friday” Sam said, a forced smile tugging his lips up at the corners. Dean had ruined a completely wonderful train of thought about well Dean. Sam couldn’t help but daydream about a day when they could be normal and live in a normal house. The daydream also happened to include not telling anyone they were brothers and instead living as a gay couple. Images of Hanna only served to ruin the fantasy.

“Sweet, was she good at kissing? Did you make out?” Dean sounded a bit more desperate than he had intended but he couldn’t fight off the clenching feeling inside his heart. All he wanted was to get out of high school and go on the road with his brother. Hunting things and saving people, and at night well, kissing could happen.

“She was okay, I mean she didn’t kiss the way you did, we didn’t really make out. It was a quick kiss.” Sam wasn’t sure if mentioning the kiss they had shared would upset Dean or if he would simply take it as a compliment.

“How was she different?”

“She just didn’t kiss like you, I don’t know? It is hard to explain” Sam could feel the deep blush grazing his cheeks.

“Show me?” Dean nearly slapped himself; the words had left on their own accord. Dean had seemingly lost control of his ability to speak.

“Show you? Like um kiss you?” Sam wasn’t sure if he was thrilled by the idea of kissing Dean again, or upset that involved Hanna.

“I mean, if you want. I’m just curious is all.” Dean averted his eyes, not wanting Sam to feel forced.

Sam leaned in and closed the distance between them, his eyes still open as he pressed his lips against Dean’s. All thoughts of Hanna and her particular style of kissing vanished as Dean’s tongue flicked out at Sam’s lips. Almost on reflex Sam responded by opening his mouth slightly, his tongue shooting out to kitten lick Dean’s lips. The awkward shyness began to fade, in its place hungry tongues danced in union. Dean’s hands traced up Sam’s back momentarily until suddenly he pulled away, his lips red and swollen.

“Did I do it wrong?” Sam couldn’t help but wonder if his kissing was bad and had caused Dean to suddenly pull away.

“Nah, I just wanted to let you know that if you guys kissed like that it is considered making out.” Dean smiled down at Sam, feeling almost peaceful.

“We uh didn’t kiss like that, I was um distracted and got lost in the kiss.” Sam wanted to die for admitting he enjoyed the kiss, even more so for saying he got lost in it.

“Wow your such a bitch” Dean laughed and shook his head, pretending he wasn’t thrilled.

“Jerk” Sam laughed to, after all teasing is what being brothers is all about   


[Chapter 4](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/8803.html)   
  



	4.  Finding Home

_  
**Finding Home Chapter 4**   
_   


Title: Finding Home  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: None  
Prompt: Wild Card  
Words: 598  
        

      

Dean stepped out of the steamy shower, dripping wet and in search of a towel. Wrapping the rough fabric around his waist he walked into the bedroom portion of the hotel room. Sam was off on his little date with the German Bitch, as Dean commonly referred to her in his mind. Dean began to rustle through his bag, sighing in frustration as he came to the conclusion that not only did he not have any clothes clean but also he had no clothes that could even pass for clean. Sighing Dean glanced at Sam’s duffle bag, knowing that the boy typically stayed caught up on his laundry. Unzipping the bag Dean searched for a shirt and sweats, knowing they would be uncomfortably small, but all around better than being nude.

Digging around Dean found a shirt he had given Sam a few weeks prior, clearly Sam had not worn it. Pulling it over his head, Dean moved to zip the bag but stopped at the sight of a condom. Panic immediately filled Dean, his eyes locked on the square package. Forcing himself to reach out a hand, he snatched the condom from the bag before zipping it again. Dean instantly wished that John Winchester wasn’t miles away on a hunt, because Dean really didn’t want to be the one to have the sex talk with Sam. If the kiss hadn’t occurred Dean would have just patted his brother on the back and told him to always wrap it, but now…Dean didn’t want Sam sleeping with anyone. Deep inside he knew it was a lie; Dean wanted Sam sleeping with him.

XOXO

“Sam, we gotta talk man” Dean sighed and sat down next to his brother on the bed, holding the condom out for the boy to see.

“I…uh well it’s just in case” Sam’s face blazed scarlet, his eyes fixed on his hands. Shame crept its way along his posture, even if Dean was out having sex it seemed wrong for Sam to consider it.

“I know I haven’t been the best role model, but your first time is really important. You shouldn’t waste it with this girl you hardly know. You should wait until you actually love someone.” Dean smiled sweetly, a blush of his own flushing bellow his freckles.

“I didn’t buy it to use with her, Dean.” Sam couldn’t bring himself to look away from his hands, he couldn’t face the disappointment he would see in Dean’s eyes.

“You have another girlfriend? Wow look at you go” Dean clapped Sam on the back lightly; on the inside he was dying. At least he could compete with one girl, but two? He stood no chance.

“Dean, I got it in case you and I ever…” Sam wanted to die, he wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. He had hoped he would never have to explain to Dean that he thought more about their kiss than he did about kiss any girl, let alone one who wasn’t a famous model.

“In case you and I ever…have sex?” Shock filled Dean’s voice, his eyebrows shooting up.

“We don’t have to, I just thought maybe someday it might happen.”

“Sammy,”

“Dean it’s fine, look I need to go. I’ll see you later.” Sam shook his shaggy brown hair into his eyes to hide the prickle of tears. Moving quickly he was out the door before Dean could force him back. Sam was losing Dean, it was clear he had pushed the lines of their relationship and now he would suffer losing the one person he loved.  
[Chapter 5](http://kinkylittlered.livejournal.com/9081.html)

 


	5.  Finding Home

_**Finding Home Chapter 5**_  
Title: Finding Home  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: mention of pornography  
Prompt: First Love  
Words: 966

 

Sam knew he had to return to the hotel room eventually, he also knew that Dean would want to continue the talk he had abruptly left. The problem with having strange new feelings for your older brother, beyond the brother part, is that the likeliness that they share your feelings is slim. Everything is different when you only have one real family member, when you feel as though you are losing that one person it is like losing a part of your soul. Sam was unaccustomed to feeling like Dean wouldn’t love him anymore. After all it had always been Dean putting on his band-aids and kissing the scratch better, always Dean comforting Sam. Without Dean, Sam couldn’t help but think he would actually die.

Walking back into the motel room took more effort than Sam would have thought. Avoiding looking at Dean, he headed straight for the couch. Girls in very skimpy clothes, saying very cheesy lines flicked in and out of focus across the screen. The poor reception n the motel was only made worse by the storm moving in, each loud clap of thunder echoing through the room. As the picture flicked back into focus Sam gasped at the sudden nudity of the characters.

“Dean, what on Earth are you watching?” Sam had meant to stay quiet and avoid Dean, but the surprise of porn had shocked his mouth into turning on.

“Eh, some porno pretending to be a movie,” Dean shrugged, not really caring if Sam knew he watched porn. It wasn’t as though it was the first time he had been caught by the boy.

“Typically you are a bit more…into it” Sam said with a half grin, finally looking over at Dean’s casual position on the bed.

“I got bored.” Dean really didn’t know what else to say, after all he could just admit to daydreaming about his little brother.

“Dean, about earlier I-“

“No worries, your young and hormonal. I understand, I’m sure your lust for your amazingly sexy older brother will fade” Dean smirked and stared over at Sam, laughing as the boy blushed.

“It is not lust and it isn’t going away.” Sam couldn’t help but defend his feelings, after all lust was something he should be ashamed of, the love he felt for Dean wans’t.

“Sure it isn’t, keep telling your self that” Dean turned to stare at the ceiling in an attempt to hide his feelings. He was well aware that his own feelings would never change, but he was also responsible for protecting Sam, even if it meant suffering in silence.

“You’ve obviously never been in love.” Sam cringed internally at the cold words, almost spat as an accusation.

“Sam, your not in love with me. You’re too young to know what love is.” Dean felt as though he was ripping his heart out and throwing it to the ground. The pain in Sam’s words was clear, but the need to protect won over the guilt.

“Dean, I am not too young! God damn it, I love you. You were my first kiss, now you’re my first love. Take responsibility for your actions! You started this.” Hot tears lined Sam’s eyes as he stared at his thighs, emotion thick in his voice.

“I’m trying to protect you, don’t you see that Sam. I would do anything for you but I…I won’t let me drag you down. Your going places and I’m well going to be hunting for the rest of my life. Don’t you get how wrong it is for us to be together?”

“And leading me on is okay?” Sam’s voice shook slightly, the tears over flowing down his cheeks.

“What happened to your German Slu-“ Dean paused for a second before remembering her name “Hanna?”

“Dean, I don’t want my first time to be with her.”

“Sam your rushing things, you don’t need to have your first time right now.” Dean shook his head before pulling himself off the bed. Sitting down as far from Sam as possible on the couch Dean forced a small smile. “Look, I’m sure when we move to the next down you’ll find some cute girl or um boy, and that will be your first love.”

“Dean the spot is already taken by you, you are my first love. It doesn’t matter if you want it or not” More tears spilled from the hazel eyes refusing to look over at his brother.

“It has nothing to do with what I want, this is about what we need to do. It is for the best if we forget this happened.” Dean’s heart clenched and he felt his own tears welling up, knowing he had to protect Sam, he willed them away.

“Do you want me Dean?” His voice was quiet, hardly breaking through the air. Pain and fear echoing in his words wake.

“I…I’ll always want you Sammy.” The words would always be true, Sam was his everything, just as much his first love as he was Sam’s.

“Can’t you admit you love me too?” Sam’s eyes finally lifted to look at Dean, pain and suffering hanging in the air.

“I love you, I tell you that everyday.” Dean smiled, attempting to lighten the situation, seeking escape.

“Tell me you’re in love with me.” There was no question in his tone, only a simple demand.

“I’m in love with you.” The words spilled from Dean’s mouth, instantly he needed his brother, needed the warmth and safety of his embrace.

Sam pushed from the couch, hurling his body onto his brother. Placing wet, sloppy kisses on Dean’s face until at last their lips collided. The pain dulled with each tangle and twist of their tongues. Sam knew that Dean wouldn’t just be his first love, but his only love.

 


End file.
